July 27, 2011 ‘No such thing as an ugly fly’
"To prove tying an ugly fly is impossible, try this experiment.
Put a small chunk of OO steel wool in your pocket and a short length of dark colored shoelace split into two pieces.
On any body of water, take one piece of shoelace and slide either end up or a little past the eyelet of a bare hook, after you’ve already tied off on your leader.
Please note I never say “tippet”.
The conversations I’ve had in the past with any catchable fish has taught me that the fly is being moved along by it’s friend “the leader” not it’s third cousin Timmy ‘tippet’.
When you’ve got the shoelace in place, follow the shape of the hook with the remaining lace and poke the hook through where it touches.
You have now tied the “H. Neal Leech”. Sure, there was no actual tying and if you’d feel better tying your shoes off to something, we don’t care.
On flat water let this tasty morsel drift with the water for a fifteen count, then start swimming it back VERY slowly, with long pauses in-between.
On flowing water, stay back from the bank and fish the inside pools first. Slowly working the leech out and you in, very softly.
Well crud-on-a-stick. I forgot the steel wool. Eh…..next week….
CARPE DIEM LADIES and stay to the light."
July 27, 2011 "Size matters"
"And now a word from our sponsors, oops, don’t have one. Remember to buy from your local blogger and a great gift for your kids and ladies is a fly-fishing lesson. Anywhere, anytime. hnealglanville@gmail.com
We’re still working flies, girls. The way your fly tracks on any body of water is not only important in catching a fish, but also in the size of the little devil.
OK, ladies, this tidbit is not for opposing spouses.
How deep your fly “works” the water and their depths are directly related to the third cousin of your aunt’s second husband’s brother in Walsenburg.
The deeper it goes, the bigger the fish.
Each time you peg your fly out there, watch it and ask yourself if it's having fun in the water. Is it leaning to one side or another or maybe it just looks, eh, you know....ugly.
If the answer is yes to either case, pinch your fly “between thumb and forefinger.”
Now, without regard to the pain and suffering you’re about to cause; cut, shave or burn the hairy junk off its belly and that collar thing. How's that for ladies speak?
Peg it out there again. See the difference?
A tip to the fly:
Tying flies should be a concentrated plunge into finger painting and the misuse of scissors. You cannot tie a bad fly.
A teeny tiny fly is pretty, but those big dog nasty ones… wait for it…… wait……catch big fish!
Whiner One: “She won’t let me go fishing”
Winner Two: "He won’t let me go fishing"
Carpe Diem ladies and stay to the light. "
July 6, 2011 "Just a dab will do it"
"Now that we’ve settled the 10-2 casting debate, we shall move to 'Tidy-Bits of Fly Tying'.
Working title for next several reports; when you purchase any flies, break out your favorite color of nail polish.
You guys that are sneaking a peek, get your own.
Stop shaking your head and put a drop just below the eyelet. If, like me, you’re a wee bit shaky, put the fly on a toothpick and start dropping.
If it dries like a gob, that’s fine.
The polish gives another color tone and adds a little weight.
Actually, I'm speaking and writing about, color and weight.
That craft store you visit that’s full of screaming kids under '17teen', that has one wall totally committed to “time outs.”
Well…… find the bead dept. and get some of those colorful, sprinkled things.
They too, add weight and volume. But, you can pick the color for the water conditions.
Just slide that little puppy on your leader and whip a blood knot on it.
Back to the fly itself. When you’re on the water, watch the fly tracking.
You can change the tracking of the fly and it’s height on the waters surface by simply……… Whoops, out of space."
Carpe Diem Ladies. And stay to the light.
July 1, 2011 "Thing of beauty"
"Well, I was going to talk about one thing.
Tid-bits of fly tying. But an open discussion has erupted on the correct position of your fly rod during casting.
To end the lava flow, let's pretend I might be right and you’re going to quietly sit back down and pay attention.
First things thirdly, gently let the concept of 10 and 2 flow from your normal side.
Now welcome with a giggle and a handshake, your very own weak side.
"Good Morning Mr. Weak Side."
“Good morning, H. Neal. Ttoday I’d like to conquer casting with a fly rod.”
"Oh golly, that would be swell Mr.Weak………"
“Quit sucking up, H. Neal, sit down and shut up.” (grumpy old.....)
If your one of the many so called 10 and 2 casting experts, sit down in a lawn chair and give it a go. You’ll notice the entire clock watching theory won’t help you now…”
"Thanks, Weak Side."
“Your welcome, H. Neal.”
Second thing, firstly. There are no, I repeat no fly fishing experts.
There are however, a small band of folks who are fish-alcoholics. Become one.
And firstly, never present a fly fresh out of the package to any fish.
The trout will be laughing so hard at that hairy gob of synthetic yuk you’ve laid on the water, they won’t be able to see the fly for the bubbles.
Carpe Diem ladies and stay to the light."
June 21, 2011 "Getting started"
Here’s a tidbit most fisherman won’t admit to you or anyone else, a fishing pole is just a fishing pole.
Who cares where it came from or that it cost more than last year’s snow tires?
Like snow tires a pole has but one job, helping you catching fish.
If you have a rod or you’re on the way to purchase one, please keep this in mind.
As for accessories, you need but three things to start. A package of swivels, some clear casting bubbles (these come in various sizes, I recommend the middle ones) and of course a packaged assortment of flies.
Now it starts getting fun.
When you reach your chosen body of water, sit down and just look around at everything. Beautiful isn’t it?
Push the button or open the bail on your reel and feed the line through the guides on your rod. Pull enough line out that it reaches a foot or so past your reel.....Dang, I forgot to mention snagging the finger nail clippers out of the bathroom.
Snip the line off that extra foot from the rod tip and hold on to it; I put the end between my lips so I know where it is.
Grab a casting bubble and notice that the stopper is bigger on one end than the other. Feed the line through the bubble big side down. Now pick up one of the swivels, pull the line through the end that looks like a safety pin. Next time will talk knotology and casting.
Carpe Diem ladies, and stay to the light."
June 9, 2011 "Stop the press!!"
This is a special edition of Whole Fishin’.
For the Ladies of Sandbox.
OK, men - if you’re scrolling through please de-scroll. And you thought I didn’t know computer speak. My yield manager is so proud.
Ladies, this column will be just for you.
It will contain a lot of the same facts and fantasies of trout fishing I share with the guys.
But I’ll add small tips and secrets that will carry the long tradition of Glanville mayhem throughout the universe, less the planet Stupid.
You are under no obligation to use any of the info I share, but if you do…….. You must spit on a dark rock, promise to give your new knowledge to all the children you meet and then; throw the rock into the nearest body of water.
If you’re new to this art of fishing, I suggest a combo rod and reel package found at most stores. The push button reel combo is the easiest to learn with and a little practice will having you out casting the guy next door.
Don’t worry about all the do-dahs for fishing you see hanging in the aisles, most of it is fairly worthless. I need to figure a way to recommend named stuff with out any sponsorship and getting in trouble again.
This week’s tip: Fish are instinctive; they react to sound and the slightest shadow on the water. Walk softly and leave the big stick at home.
Carpe Diem Ladies…and stay to the light.
June 1, 2011 "Big fish eat big things"
To those amongst us that can only operate left-handed: Yes, I do follow the light to the right. (Damn..another moment of poetry).
I’m more than a little surprised that anyone caught with their finger in the air would notice my leanings.
I thank you.
Pressing on, I forgot last week to mention knots.
Attaching your fly-line to a reel can be accomplished with a simple slip knot. However, your fly-line to your leader is a wee-bit more complicated.
You can use the tried and true, pain in the butt nail knot.
You can even purchase a device that does it automatically, it doesn’t have to have you to help it. Each time I’ve tried it, mine came out upside and backwards.
I prefer, and strongly recommend, slip-on leader loops. They work every time, less the need for a degree in knotology.
As to your choice of flies, think back to the time you spent sitting next to the river.
Pick a fly that resembles the creepy crawlies on shore or the bugs flying about your head.
The fish don’t care; it only has to look like something they ate yesterday.
Here’s a tip from my Uncle Blaine: "Big fish, eat big things."
Hey, you be careful out there and stay to the light.
May 25, 2011 "Fishin' at a liberal BBQ"
"It’s very important, as it is in most things, not to be overcome by the sheer gadgetry of fishing.
Of course, that’s easier said than done when you stare at the gazillion choices you get in all things fishing. Kinda like a liberal barbeque; you know everything you touch is bad for you but you rub around in it anyway.
For the fly-fishing beginner I strongly recommend a 7 to 7.5 foot, 4 weight rod.
The 4 weight is the designation of your fly line. The box will say W-F-4-F which simply means weight forward, 4 weight floating line.
The short rod, combined with the weight forward line, is very forgiving and when you first start throwing line out, you’ll need a handful of forgiveness.
The reel you pick, as with the rod and line, should not be over $60. The weak side has had many conversations with fish big and small and none of them cared how little you spent to catch them.
Next week, which fly is the fly?
Hey, you be careful out there and stay to the light.
May 19, 2011 "Little Miracles"
"Well, the Redbone suckers rose off the bottom long enough to remind me of “political correctness.”
It seems the sensitive ones out there took a wee bit of a stab in the buttocks over “my man law” statement in last week’s installment.
On one hand, the bottom feeders are right; the sensitive ones do make good bait, if you can catch them before they fill their pockets with things they’ve “found’ along the bank.
The first true step in fishing is not to be fishing.
Find yourself a chunk of water, take a seat and enjoy it. As time passes you’ll notice all sorts of life revolves around both the water and its edges.
Somewhere in your moment of discovery, you’ll realize there’s more to the water than a worm on a stick. If you can’t see it, stay a little longer, “it” may dawn on your sad self.
This coming weekend, May 21, will be the first Children’s Miracle Network, “Fishing, Hooray!” at the
It’s free to those 16 and under or 64 and over. For you lost souls down south, turn left at Rifle, right at the Hwy. 40 intersection and drive towards tree-hugger-ville; {Steamboat Springs} and on the east side of town you’ll see the museum. Kids running rampant and adults having fun.
Its plan so far is to use up the entire summer for the kids, big or small……….
There’ll be fly fishing lessons from yours truly, and prizes galore.
Hey, you be careful out there and stay to the light.
(Next lesson don’t know yet……..)"
May 14, 2011 "Somewhere along the line"
"I’ve been asked to begin a column on the art and it is an art, of fishing.
This won’t be a bleeding heart attempt at becoming one with the fish.
Or a how to on looking cool at waters edge. I have no degree in fishology, nor do I own a pair of waders.
I do, however, bring fun and the combined experience of a generational family of non-couch potatoes.
I’ve fished four oceans and a river in
If some where along the ‘line’ you wish to become part of the discussion, jump in.
This whole thing is about kids, fishing and those of us that have refused to accept the crud of adulthood.
Our first lesson is to buy locally, it is a man-law sin to purchase objects ‘de art o fishin’ from big box anything.
Second lesson; don’t know yet….."
